brainwavez.org | Treadmillasaurus Rex

Treadmillasaurus Rex
A brainwavez.org Casual-Game Review

By: Mandy J Watson on 27 May 2011
Category: Games > Casual > Reviews

In the interests of serious scientific enquiry, a dinosaur is placed on a treadmill and forced to face unfathomable horrors. Only you can wear silly party hats and jump over spikey balls as the ultimate treadmillasaurus rex!

The first time I played this game I had a very "...what?" reaction. Treadmillasaurus Rex is crazy. You're a dinosaur on a treadmill with the ominous "Wheel-Of-Awesome" looming in the background, which spins every few seconds and awards "prizes", most of which adjust the attributes of the obstacles the dino is dealing with.

After my first experience, then knowing what I had to do, my reactions began to drift between extreme amusement and annoyance as Treadmillasaurus Rex is fun - but it's hard. You have to dodge spikey balls that run across the treadmill and avoid lasers on each side of the treadmill but obstacle attributes keep changing and other obstacles come into play so it's difficult (and eventually impossible) to get into a rhythm to stay alive. The treadmill speed increases. The wind speed increases. The wind and treadmill change direction - and the change isn't immediate: the treadmill, for instance, slows down, then reverses, then speeds up again. The lasers move. The balls drop faster. It's frenetic. You die a lot.

Your dinosaur will face:
• spikey balls
• lasers

You will be pushed over the edge by:
• an increase in wind speed
• an increase in game speed
• an increase in treadmill speed
• an increase in spike ball speed
• the left laser moving closer
• the right laser moving closer
• a change in wind direction
• the treadmill reversing

To make you feel better you get:
• party hats
• confetti
• lights
• dinosaur facts

You will be tortured by:
• "win the game"

You will lose:
• your life
• the game
• Calories

You start off with three lives, the only use of that being that when you lose one the lasers reset to their starting points at the edges of the treadmill, giving you a bit of a breather to continue. The non-threatening wheel-spin prizes offer hats, dinosaur facts, party effects (lights), and confetti. There's also something called "win the game" on the wheel that may or may not just exist to mess with your head. If I've ever hit it I can't recall what happened. Presumably the game ends. You may not want that.

Your "high score" is expressed as the number of Calories burnt. It'll be slow to start but you'll be surprised at how fast it begins to increase later in the game. The controls - A/D or left/right to manoeuvre and S or up to jump - are simple but this game, as you have read, is not easy to play. (Other options are pause and mute, and you can adjust the quality if the game is running too slowly.)

There are moments when the treadmill and wind directions and speeds are so perfectly in tune that you enter a Zen mode of gameplay. Then a tweaked game obstacle inevitably throws everything out of whack and the next minute you're practically button mashing as you psychically will the damn dinosaur not to go shooting through a laser as you try to avoid an unavoidably badly timed spike jump that will result in a tiny-footed treadmill scrabble into oblivion.

(By the way, the T-Rex's tail cannot be harmed by lasers and spiked balls. True story.)

This is a hilarious, silly game made all the more enjoyable due to the high-intensity dance track ("Angel Of Destiny" by ZeRo-BaSs - see "On The Internet" below), complete with orchestral hits, that plays over the action. You can't not have fun playing this.

Until you die, anyway.